The Worst Kiss I've Ever Experienced

It was like he was trying to eat my face. On the school bus, my sophomore year in high school...He leaned in and covered my entire mouth, and parts of my jaws, with his mouth. My eyes popped open, and I looked around for an excuse to stop him. I pushed him off of me, finally, and my face was covered in his saliva. He attempted to lean in for another smooch, apparently, believing that the kiss was good. I rejected him, and haven't been able to rid myself of the memory ever since. It was a little harsh on my part to stop really talking to him and being his friend after the incident, but I didn't know how to face him. I think I helped him out, by not telling everyone that we knew about the horrible encounter.

I saw him last year, at a restaurant. I was dining with a "misteress" of mine, and he was our server. He seemed quite cordial, so I doubt that he did anything to our food. LOL

Yet Another Sleepless Night...

Sitting here, thinking about the fact that I haven't exercised in over a week. Not too upset about it though, since I have the ability to simply get up and exercise, but there's no sense of urgency, because my stomach is still flat.

Financial issues are in the forefront, tonight, but because there's nothing that I can do right now, I'm not stressing over it.

For some reason, I've been watching celebrity news shows. Not like I care, but it's entertaining at four o'clock in the morning.

I had a pointless argument with my boyfriend over the phone, earlier tonight.

When I Can't Sleep...

I usually stay up all night, watching reruns of Fresh Prince, The Cosby Show, all reality shows on MTV, etc. Once the sun starts to rise, children shows flood the television, and I'm left to my own devices for entertainment, until I am able to fall asleep.

I try to occupy my time online, but I can only check my myspace and facebook pages so many times, before it gets old. I've played online games, but that gets tiring after a while. No one is online to chat with on Yahoo Messenger; so I have no choice but to allow my mind to wander off and conjure up whatever it wants.

So far, I have my entire wedding planned out, and I'm not even engaged. I have my house decorated, and I live in an apartment. I've calculated my salary, mortgage, and car note. Needless to say, I have none of these things.

As I type, the sun is rising, and I'm planning to stay up and take care of some things that I've needed to for quite some time now. I wish that I could rest throughout the night, like other people...I am about to start school soon, and I'm going to need to rest at night, so that I can be up during the day for classes. Or I can schedule everything in the evenings and change nothing.

I thought that exercising daily would help me sleep at night, but I was wrong. I may just end up falling asleep as soon as I'm done working out, and be wide awake for the rest of the night...maybe if I workout in the evenings, my sleep schedule will be right on. Of course, I've thought out these same scenarios countless times.

The truth is I've been nocturnal, since I can remember. When I was younger, I couldn't sleep through the night, and sometimes my father would come into my room, and whisper to me to meet him in the living room, so that he wouldn't wake my sister. I'd climb down the ladder of the bunk beds, and tip toe into the living room. Then, my dad and I would go into the kitchen and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watch the late show.

Love Unrequited

If a large facet of love is communication, how is it that some of us fall in love alone? Does it mean that somewhere along the way, we weren’t communicating properly? Or does it mean that one was lead astray by her partner? It is possible that the miscommunication is unintentional. Sometimes, people enter strictly “business” relationships, and one or both parties end up having a change of heart…typical behavior of women, but not obsolete within the male gender. So, is love and sex related? Is it possible that the people who believe that sex without love exists are in denial? At times, blocking out the things that are real and painful help us to cope. Is love and life predicated on what we are willing to believe and reject?

In the case that one falls in love alone, how can she recover after realizing that? It’s make-believe-like to think that one can let the other in on the love she’s grown for him, and expect him to return the favor of uttering those tear evoking words. It is not unrealistic, however, to believe that he feels something; it may not be love, but he may feel closer to her, at least. Men aren’t incapable of feeling an emotion other than anger. Maybe holding onto the hope of being loved back is what prevents a woman from accepting that her love is unrequited and moving on.